Just Need to Babble

I'm so tired. I have been asleep by 7:30 or 8:00 every night, but I wake up between 4:30 and 5:30 AM. So I think I'm still stuck on the old time, the one before daylight savings changed everything. I think it's funny that for once in my life my kids have adjusted to it quicker than me. Or am I just getting older? Or is it the recovering from health problems?

Speaking of recovering, I've never in my life had it come so slowly. I can't even explain all the very basic things I took for granted before getting sick, having surgeries, and having to sit on my duff for so many days. Quite honestly I don't remember doing all that sitting and laying down because I slept so much. I think God took something from me that was a matter of pride. I didn't think I was stronger than others, like competing or anything, but I definitely did not shy away from a task that required using the strength of my body. I think it's the "little man's" complex. In college I used to try to lift just as much as any guy when we set up and took down our sound system when we were out for a weekend of singing. Not only have I ALWAYS considered myself perfectly able when it comes to being strong physically, but I also didn't let others help me much. Now if anyone out there, especially ladies, is good at this, I'd love to know it. I personally don't believe women in general are very capable of asking for or accepting help...not naturally anyway. I think that because God made us the way we are, with our good organization skills and good managing of our homes. But we all take it too far into some area of our lives where we try to control like a freak. That's why they call it "control freak." Anyway, I have been dethroned. No longer strong physically, able to lift heavy loads (kids), run and wrestle, or clean/cook/care for children all day long without getting more tired than I can believe possible. No longer (at least for a time) in control of my children and home. Even now I cannot do everything required in one day. I have to choose, and let other things go. And everyday I overdo...every single day. Maybe this is why I fall into bed before 8:00 PM like a pregnant woman. Maybe my weakened body is trying to do just as much as a woman's body nourishing and making room for a baby. Except for the heavy load, I think I feel the same or worse than that...depending on the day.

Well, all of this is not such a downer. I just want some understanding, I guess, for what this is all like. I walked half a mile today, and I had pain where they took out my right ovary, pain under my left rib, and pain at times just in my whole stomach area...not to mention the leg muscle soreness!!! And this was all day, not just during the walk. Unbelievable. I've never been so weak in my life. But the non-downer part of it is that I have been dethroned. And it's good. Because that means Christ is on the throne. He is my strength. Not that I have "arrived" when it comes to fully trusting God in everything ALL the time. But I'm really enjoying Him. I'm having fun worshiping Him. I'm so much more thankful for such small things.

Recently Johan and I bought a copy of The Message Bible. Man I love how plain the wording is. Everything is new to me as I read how everything sounds in simple words. Love it. Here's some very fun wording of the end of Psalm 33:

"We're depending on God,
he's everything we need.
What's more, our hearts brim with joy
since we've taken for our own his holy name.
Love us, God, with all you've got-
that's what we're depending on."

I love that. Have you told Him you needed Him to love you with all He's got? That His love is what you're depending on? I've asked these very words before. I love that God is so upfront, intimate, and strong in His wording...nothing held back. Incredibly cool.

I'm done babbling. :-)

Last Saturday's Fun

Last Saturday we were a busy family. First we went to Corban's last soccer game. Two weeks ago I finally figured out that Corban would pay more attention and try harder if I bribed him. So I told him if he tried harder to kick the ball in the goal or at least in the right direction, I would buy him a new hot wheels car. It worked like a charm and he kicked the ball down the field twice toward another teamate for goals. Corban got upset that day when he realized he wasn't going to be the one to score the goal. But I explained that he would still get the prize because all I wanted him to do was try harder. You see, Corban likes soccer for many things, but none of those reasons are for actually playing the game yet. That's okay. We're not worried. It was fun for him to be with friends, he got great exercise, and it was a great opportunity for him to do something special. He loved it. He just didn't love the game to the point of trying to score or play well. Anyway the bribe worked two Saturdays ago, and it worked again last Saturday. Johan took these pictures, and he said that even though it looks like Corban isn't doing anything, a couple of the pictures are right after he had just kicked it. He even got close to scoring, but the other team kicked it out right at the edge of the goal. I found myself surprised at how much those little 4 and 5-year-olds really got better at the game after 8 weeks. It was fun for Creed too, but not at first. Creed can't wait to be old enough to play and to have his own soccer shoes, so that was hard at first. But halfway through he made a friend...practically a girlfriend, since it was kind of a brutal friendship. The little blond in the pictures was kind of rough with him, but he liked it for the most part. I guess I've taught my boys so well that they cannot hurt girls, so she was scratching and hitting on him (probably the way she plays with her own brother), and he would tell her to stop, but she wouldn't. That kind of stuff. I'm proud of him because he never did any of it back. Carys also had fun just being outside for all these soccer games. At first it was hard to make sure she didn't run out in the middle of the soccer field. She escaped a few times into the soccer field. One time another parent retreived her, which was kind of embarrassing to me because I had lost track of my child. But don't we all. She runs off so quickly. Oh, and on this particular day, my mom was asked to hold a baby girl (so cute). Carys was so happy to see her and talk to her, and this little baby laughed and cooed at her. It was adorable!!!

The next part of our day involved lunch and some naps. That was nice. When we all woke up we went to our old church for a special event for kids. There was a mini car show, bounce houses, and a small petting zoo-type area. The only pictures we got of that are of me and Carys in the animal pen. She loved the animals. It was her first time to see real ducks, chickens, sheep, and a pony. She was so fascinated. The boys spent their time looking at old cars and sliding down the huge inflatable slide.

Next we went home to get into costumes. We had to be at our church fairly quickly, so we changed and left. Our church had such a fun event. It was almost old-fashioned because it was all booths and no bounce houses, but I loved it for that. The games were so fun and creative. I loved it. It is an incredible ministry. We were able to have it inside the gym, which was great for avoiding mosquitos. (Those PESKY bugs are still swarming us!!! I've never had to use so much bug repellant on our family in one year.) Well, unfortunately the pictures are few for the event at our church too. I sat most of the time, feeling really sore and tired. I had done more in that day since my health troubles started. I'm gradually doing more and more, but that day I overdid. Tough not to do. And I was determined to have fun with my family. Anyway, the pictures are also not so great quality. I've yet to get good pictures in our gym. Not sure why. But we did get a few pictures at home of our superheroes. Carys was uncooperative in standing with her brothers, as you can see. But what we got is cute. Time for me to quit jabbering and let you look at pictures!

Our Pool's Alive

Corban came in one day from being outside laughing hysterically, begging us to go outside and see what Creed could do. And here's what we saw. I think my favorite part is that when he was done, he ecstatically says, "I won!" I guess he was racing. What a cool race!

Some Observations I Made

Let's see...I've been through quite a lot of medical situations lately, whether my own or for my children. Really it's was mostly me and a few things for Corban. There were also the three cesareans/births of our children. So I've been making some observations about staying in a hospital, being taken care of by medical staff, etc. I'll never be a nurse or doctor, but I've encountered being taken care of by many types. I guess I need to "purge" those experiences onto this blog as well.


First the good...

I've had mostly really good nurses. The type of nurse I love taking care of me is an honest one. Tell me that you're struggling to get to me because there's tons of people being admitted at the same time. If I'm going to be having some kind of new treatment, procedure, medication, etc, tell me what to expect. I also loved my nurses who genuinely cared about seeing me and talking to me. I had lots of those. Thank God. They were gentle and concerned, talked with me about my life as well as theirs...like friends. A good nurse is like a friend. As for doctors, isn't it soooo cool when you have a doctor that goes out of his/her way to take care of you? Like actually calling you him/herself to tell you something instead of the receptionist or on-call nurse? I'm blessed to have a great gyn/ob who goes out of her way to do what's best for her patients. She's not my GI doctor, but yet she's been a part of some fellowship where she's researching what the body needs as far as supplements, probiotics, etc. She called me after researching a great probiotic to restore my gastrointestinal health. Super cool. My GI doctor is wonderful as well. He is actually personable, and makes phone calls to patients. I'm thankful for my doctors. Another great person I recently came across is a chaplain. I was wary because the chaplains in hospitals are expected to meet all your "spiritual" needs, but the lady who came to see me was a Christian and she prayed for me. Wonderful.


Now for the bad...

I had a nurse who didn't listen to my concerns, therefore allowed me to become dehydrated. I even broke down crying while trying to tell her I was not right. She just didn't make the grade. As soon as the shift changed that evening, my new nurse saw immediately what had happened, got me medicine I needed, then made sure I was on IV liquids again for another day. That was the night when the nurse tried twice to get an IV in, but the veins collapsed both times, and I was sent to the anesthesiologist, who stuck my on the inside of my wrist. Grrrr. I didn't like that nurse at all during that day. Granted, her primary language wasn't English and she wasn't originally from here, so maybe other social behavior escaped her notice. I stayed an extra day in the hospital because of that happening, though. Grrrrr. The other nurse I really got mad at laughed at me. Here's the gross part, so don't read if it bothers you. I basically had diarrhea for 12 hours straight. Even when I drank water I had to go to the toilet....all right after a huge surgery. It hurt to be up and out of bed so much. So about 5 or 6 hours into this, one of the nurses I had met before on the day I had to drink the go-lightly junk came in to check on me. I told her I had been sick and she laughed at me. Hello!!! You should never laugh at someone who is miserable!!! She just laughed and walked out. I was in the bathroom at the time, so I couldn't tell her I needed help. She was already gone. I debated calling the nurse desk, but thought if no one else is worried, maybe I shouldn't be. Grrrr..... wow did that make me mad. And I let a few people know about it the next day. She may have thought I was laughing with her. Who knows?? But it was wrong.


Some observations I have made...

Bloodwork always gets drawn at 4:30 to 6:30 in the morning. No matter that you are asleep. No matter what kind of night you had before. I'm pretty sure it's so the lab can get the work done early, and that's understandable. But I still don't like it.

When you are first in the hospital, you have more needs, therefore get more attention. When you have been there long enough to get better, you end up asking twice, if not several times for something you need...especially if it's something as unimportant as getting unhooked from the IV so you can get a shower. I sure could have done it myself, but didn't. I didn't want to be an uncooperative patient. I usually waited about 30 minutes before calling the nurses station again for my request. And I was not rude, just asked politely again. One of the nicest nurses and I were talking about that one night. She said it's not that patients are ignored when they get better, just that the nurse is usually already helping another patient. Probably true, but one night I had asked three times within two hours to be readied for a shower. I wasn't mad, and I knew I would eventually get to have a shower. Just an observation I've made that not as many people visit me when I'm more well. During my last two days in the hospital last time, no one filled my water up all day long. Only the night nurse did. It was alright though, since I was peeing every two hours from IV liquids going into me.

I think it is sooooo important to be kind to those taking care of you. It seems tough to be your own advocate, making sure you get what you need if you need something, while being kind. But it can be done.

Another funny observation: At least 4 or 5 medical staff admitted to me how they could stick people all day long for shots and IV's and labs, but couldn't stand being stuck, themselves. That's funny. I'm the opposite. I'm so used to being poked and stuck. But I am not about to do it to myself or anyone else!! My mom gave my my allergy shots when I was a kid. Not sure I could do it for my own kids.

And something I never expected. The more you are in a hospital, the more you recognize the people taking care of you. Nurses came up and said how they recongnized me from last time. Some said, "hey how are you doing?" They remembered me. And I remembered them. Some I could call by name.

Here's another one. I had a cesarean at Texas Woman's when I had Carys. I also had my hysterectomy there. Both were mostly great experiences. But, the baby experience was different. All the staff were so chipper and constantly checking on me and baby. For having my reproductive parts removed, they left me more alone. The funny thing is that I could have used more bothering while recovering from the hysterectomy, and less bothering after my daughter was born. If I was a nurse, I would try to not be afraid of someone's pain...not physical, but emotional. I had lots of sad moments. My husband couldn't stay with me except for at night. I was alone more. Just seems like a time to check more on a person. I had that baby thing down when I had Carys, and I didn't want them treating me like a brand new mom. Just check my vitals, take out my catheter, IV, give me some pain meds, and send me home after you can take out the staples. That's how I felt when Carys was born.

Okay, and I believe it's next to nearly impossible to sleep when you feel better while in the hospital. My last night I only slept four hours. I debated asking for some kind of medicine to sleep, like the nausea medicine I love so much. But when you ask for medicine you don't need, it isn't good. Not only can it get addicting, I'm sure, but it also tells your doctors that you aren't ready to go home because you're still asking for IV medications. I also debated asking for sleeping pill, but it wasn't on my orders, so the nurse offered to call the doctor. This was at midnight. Sorry, I wasn't going to ask her to call a doctor at that hour just because I couldn't sleep. So I waited, finally fell asleep around 1 AM, then was woken up for labs at 5 AM. Thankfully, I went home the next day and slept so well at home. It's just that in a hospital, people are working and moving around all night long. Those patient rooms are no where near sound proof. In fact, it's quite loud. Sometimes they even move furniture, or sometimes you get stuck with a room right beside one of their computers in the hallway where they talk and congregate all night long. Now while feeling sick or being in pain, sleep comes because of the drugs, and because you are so trashed from being without sleep. But when you feel better, sleep does not come so readily. :-(


AND some cool things that happened during my hospital times...

Talked with, prayed for, gave my Bible to a roomate I met while sharing a room briefly one night.

Met a nurse from Baytown who took such good care of me after my horrendous day of dehydration and diarrhea. Didn't know her, but she was kind and loving.

My last two nights of my last stay at Methodist Hosp I enjoyed both nurses so much. One was someone I went to high school with, and the other talked a lot about blessings and God. They were both super caring and there to help me, which wasn't much at that point. But they were great.

I'm also remembering Johan. You wouldn't believe how he took care of me. There were times I was so sick or in so much pain that I couldn't speak for myself, listen, or sign papers. He dressed me when I couldn't do it. He made appointments for me, making sure I got care asap. He talked with doctors or nurses for me when I couldn't speak on the phone. He helped me shower or shave my legs. Got me everything I needed when he could provide it. He worked hard, making sure I was cared for quickly when I was in pain. This is all stuff I thought we'd never experience as a married couple until we were old, much older. Man, I love you Johan Richards.


To conclude, I am always wishing I had the stuff to be a nurse. I love caring for people in active ways...by doing things for them and caring for them. I loved that part of teaching when I was a school teacher. I love that part of taking care of my family. I guess I don't have tons of room to judge from the professional point of view, itself. But I certainly have the right to judge as a patient. Most nurses do a great job at what they do. Not only the accuracy of the job, like drawing blood, putting in IV's, etc. But also the part of the job that requires you to care for another person genuinely and honestly. But I usually come across one or two each hospital stay that I could have done without...if you know what I mean. I've heard some people's opinions that they don't like bossy nurses and doctors. But I think you have to be bossy a little at least, to get some people off their duffs and getting better. No one knows when they are supposed to start exercising a little while in the hospital unless you tell them. No one is thinking about drinking enough water while they feel like crap. I think patients need to be told what's expected from them so they'll get better. I haven't met a patient yet who wants to stay in the hospital. The desire is always to go home. The nurses and I always said, "I loved meeting you but I hope I don't see you again under these circumstances." We all fell that way. The hospital group of doctors always say the same thing. "Hope we don't see you again." Especially if you've been there a lot. So, I like the nurses who told me what I needed to do to get better. Bring it on.

Oh, and one more thing. I loved my home health nurse. That was so cool to have her take care of me, and empower us to take care of my medical needs by teaching us what to do. If anyone in my area ever needs home health care, I can give you her number and her company. Love her. Not only was the whole situation cool to be at home, but it was so cool to have an nurse who encouraged me. I think it was important to her to point out good things, because everytime I whined about something, she turned it around for me to see the blessing. Praise the Lord Almighty for His care for me.

Last Saturday's Game

A Health Update

Everyone else is super healthy. Thank God. I'm so glad this happened to me and not them. You know? I haven't said much about the bacterial infection I have. It's sort of scary to write or talk about how it could have killed me, and if one of the kids had gotten it, it would have most likely killed him/her. It's something I was able to get because all the antibiotics I have received in the last couple of months has killed most of my bacteria...good and bad. It's the same with a yeast infection. We women know that we're susceptible to that type of infection after antibiotics because the natural balance of bacteria has been messed up. It's the same with C Diff, but it's in the intestines and the colon. It's a bad one, though. Hard to get rid of permanently. Today I went to see my gynecologist for my post-op visit, and she seemed excited about getting me on a particular pro-biotic, which she is researching and will call me with soon. I need my natural bacteria to be normal again, or I'll be able to get this infection over and over again.

Here's a short informational website about C diff.

As for my health, I feel better all the time. I am still sore a lot, which seems prolonged to me, but it's probably normal. It's been two and a half weeks since the hysterectomy. Walking a lot or riding in a car a lot makes me hurt pretty bad by the end of the day. Tomorrow Johan's mom goes back home. I'm ready to be with my kids, but I still get tired before they do. My mom is ready to help when I need her. So I won't be left alone if I'm too sore or sick to handle it. It's hard to need help, but I definitely don't resent the help, if that makes sense. I only hate that I am not well...that I don't have the strength to do everything I want. At this point, I will have the strength to take care of the kids at home, but not the energy to homeschool Corban. I'll be able to pick up Carys to put her in and take her out of her chair at the table, and the same for her crib, but I cannot carry her around. We will spend a lot of time just playing at home and watching videos, and I'll wish I could keep my house as clean as our moms can!! But I'd rather be with the kids than clean...especially now...after everything. But this is progress from the way it was.

We are looking forward to some fun things coming up. Corban is still playing soccer, and he has two more games left. We have now got costumes for all the kids for Halloween. They're all going to be super heroes: Corban-Iron Man, Creed-Dark Knight Batman, and Carys-Supergirl. I love to get them dressed up for the fun we have at church. I love the candy, and the weather. We're also beginning to think about Creed's birthday. He has decided he wants a dinosaur party. He's soooo into dinos right now...reading books about them especially. It's so exciting to go on with life, looking forward to the things we do with our kids.

Well, almost time for bed!! I'm still super tired these days!

Amazing Song

I love this song. It really is where I'm at. When I'm reminded of how He loves, I am "unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TWgeUrD4MHI

He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

And we are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If his grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
And heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.